‘Tis Us Epilogue
As I conclude the writing of our family history ‘Tis Us”, it is my sincerest hope that some other family member will pick up the pen and continue sharing our family history for the benefit of those decendents who will follow.
In both the Preface and Afterword of our family story I referenced three questions that I asked myself as a young teenager. The second of those three questions was, “why am I here”, or in other words, “what is the meaning of my life”? The passage of time and my life experiences have provided an answer for me. Humans are genetically and spiritually engineered for happiness. Happiness naturally emanates from unconditional love. What makes you happy? Receiving: a Christmas present? a compliment? achieving a goal? being loved? Are you still as happy with your Christmas present one month or two months after receiving it? Does receiving a compliment lead to a desire for another compliment? If it does, then the first compliment is temporary happiness and is soon replaced with the “need” for another. This sets in motion a constant pursuit of “happiness” throughout one’s life, a futile pursuit of a lasting happiness.
What is “unconditional love”? The short answer is, unconditional love is about the other person not you. The recipient of the unconditional love receives the love from the giver without the need to “earn” the love. The love is freely given to the recipient without any attached strings or expectation of receiving something in return, The giver’s focus is on the recipient’s happiness and welfare which is more important to the giver than his or her own happiness. Under this interpretation then, “I love you” is a more intense, more profound, and longer lasting reflection of love than is, “I love pizza” or “I love my dog”. In the gospel of John, John says, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends”. On the surface of this statement we might believe that John is referring to a soldier, a policeman or policewoman, or a fireman. However, I believe John’s statement in addition to the those just named, also applies to people who devote their lives to serving the needs of others. The first example of this kind of love that comes to mind is the love that parents have for their children. Parents place their own needs less important to their children’s needs for the lifetime of their children. Religious orders, teachers, people in the medical field, social workers, etc would fall under this same category.
When I first went into coaching and teaching back in 1962 or 1963 it was with the intent of giving back what had been given to me. My parents, my brother and sister, my brother-in law, my sister-in-law, as well as my teachers and coaches had all played roles in instilling values and personal standards and self-discipline in me, that have provided a crucial foundation for me to obtain a life filled with happiness and contentment.
So when I began my coaching career, football was more than a game for me. Football was the tool or vehicle that I could use to teach young men the attitudes, values, and life lessons that I believed would help them become good Christians, good men, good husbands, good fathers, and good citizens. These young men were so special to me, that even today, after all these years, when a former athlete calls me “coach”, it still makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
On Wednesday May 18, 2021 I met with one of those former players of mine, a player named John Rozkowski, for lunch in Lansing. In 1971 John was a very talented 5’11 running back for the Manistee Catholic Central H.S. Sabres. Not only was John a talented running back but his skills were complemented by a commitment to perfection, a tremendous work ethic, and a belief that helping the team achieve its goals was more important than achieving his personal goals.
One of my earliest and strongest coaching principles was the belief that success on the football field, as well as in life, had to be based upon mental and physical toughness . So often in life I have seen people with the God-given talent to be exceptional, yet lacked the mental toughness to keep trying to succeed when they encountered obstacles along the way. Mental toughness is a difficult skill to be learned because elements of fear, pain and self-confidence must be overcome. For that reason our daily conditioning period was more about building mental toughness than it was conditioning.
Our football stadium at Catholic Central was surrounded by sand hills giving us a bowl stadium. After doing nearly one-half hour of running and normal conditioning on the field, the team would move to one of the loose sand hills to end our practice. This particular hill was nearly 40 to 45 yards long at a rising at a steep 45° angle. We would start the season doing 10 hills, and to reinforce our commitment to being better each day, we would add one additional hill each day. I specifically remember us doing 34 or 35 hills one season, each with a 20 second interval of rest in between. During the entire time of the hill run coaches and players were yelling at each other not to quit. Every player was screaming words of encouragement to his teammates as well as to himself. When one player was having a difficult time keeping up, some of his teammates would grab the player’s shoulders and drag him up the hill to achieve his goal of reaching the top. No one ever quit. By the time we started the 4th quaorter of a football game most of the other teams we played were exhausted by our physicality and our above average physical condition. We finished those daily hill climbs each day, mentally tougher than we were the day before.
So what does all of this mean? I will let an audio clip from a phone conversation I had with John explain: Audio Clip.
Lt. Colonel John Roskowski, United States Army, Retired
Base Support Group Commander (Garrison Commander), Camp New Compound, Kabul, Afghanistan. John served two combat tours of duty, one in Iraq and one in Afghanistan. After his retirement from military service, John continued to serve his country and the men he served with by becoming the Osceola County Director of Veterans Services.
Front of the Challenge Coin
- NKC – New Kabul Compound. The base John commanded.
- Flags of United States and Afghanistan flanking the US Army symbol.
- Insignia indicating John’s rank of Lt. Colonel, and his title, “Commander”.
- The rank, name, and title of John’s Command Sereant Major Hans Hyland.
- “Base Support Group” is the name of the unit John commanded.
Back of Challenge Coin
6. A globe with Afghanistan being cradled. This is a tribute to Ahmad Shah Massoud an Afghan politician and military commander who was beloved by the Afghan people.
7. An image of the setting sun which is the unit symbol for the 41st Infantry Brigade Combat Team known as the “Sunset Brigade”.
8. Symbol of John’s unit, 2nd battalion 162nd Infantry regiment known as the “Volunteers”.
9. Image representing the country of Afghanistan.
10. The words “For Excellence” reflect the fact that a soldier had conducted his/her responsibilities above and beyond the call of duty and was the reason for the presentation of the coin.
The timing of my meeting with John provided a very clear example of the message I wanted to share with all of you who read these words: happiness in life is best obtained by serving the needs of the other people in and around your life. Life is about “thee”, not “me”.
I cannot count the number of times throughout the years that friends and people I barely know have approached mom or I and told us what a beautiful family we were and they wished they could have a family like ours.The same comments have been made by our children’s friends and now our grandchildren’s friends to them as well. My hope is that every family experiences the blessings of unconditional love.
Unconditional love exists in the absence of any benefit for the lover. It transcends all behavior and is in no way reliant upon any form of reciprocation.It is completely and utterly selfless. It isn’t “earned”; it’s “given”. Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, only what you are expecting to give.
What does our family “look like”? We love being together as noticed by a very high energy level. Lots of laughing; lots of talking; lots of hugging. The “noise” level is intragenerational. Younger family members not only talk amongst themselves, but they join in conversations with the adult family members as well. We speak in positive and affirming ways and express the love we have for each other. We are deeply committed to promoting each other’s happiness and welfare and show our commitment by investing time and energy in family activities. We are not immune or exempt from difficult days and challenging situations, but we develop strategies so we can pull together in those challenging times rather than fall apart.
We have a sense of spiritual well-being. There are consistent themes of guiding values and ethics, as well as a commitment to important causes. The older kids look out for the welfare of younger ones. In times of pain we hold each other closely and try to ease the pain and provide comfort to each other. We actively promote one another’s happiness and welfare. We all have incredible senses of humor and the teasing never stops.
The individual families are very involved in helping other families as well: neighbors in need; active participation in community and church events; helping classmates and friends find solutions to their personal problems; visiting elderly neighbors to help them in small ways such as playing games with them.
The above formula has been the recipe for our family’s individual and collective happinesss and self-fulfillment. John’s lifetime of service to his country and fellow military personnel has been his personal recipe for his happiness and self-fulfillment as well. And therein lies the answer to my question, “Whis is the purpose of my life”. The gift of unconditional love comes not in the form of gifts, or things, but rather through your person, your presence in one-on-one time with your loved ones. Your love is spelled, T-I-M-E.
Please pray for mom and I as well as yourselves daily in thanksgiving for the blessings God has given all of us through each other…
ONE MORE THING
Twenty-five years ago, in Nashville, Tennessee, during the first week of January, 1996, more than 4,000 baseball coaches descended upon the Opryland Hotel for the 52nd annual ABCA’s convention.
While I waited in line to register with the hotel staff, I heard other more veteran coaches rumbling about the lineup of speakers scheduled to present during the weekend. One name, in particular, kept resurfacing, always with the same sentiment — “John Scolinos is here? Oh, man, worth every penny of my airfare.”
Who is John Scolinos, I wondered. No matter; I was just happy to be there.
In 1996, Coach Scolinos was 78 years old and five years retired from a college coaching career that began in 1948 He shuffled to the stage to an impressive standing ovation, wearing dark polyester pants, a light blue shirt, and a string around his neck from which home plate hung — a full-sized, stark-white home plate.
Seriously, I wondered, who is this guy?
After speaking for twenty-five minutes, not once mentioning the prop hanging around his neck, Coach Scolinos appeared to notice the snickering among some of the coaches. Even those who knew Coach Scolinos had to wonder exactly where he was going with this, or if he had simply forgotten about home plate since he’d gotten on stage. Then, finally …
“You’re probably all wondering why I’m wearing home plate around my neck,” he said, his voice growing irascible. I laughed along with the others, acknowledging the possibility. “I may be old, but I’m not crazy. The reason I stand before you today is to share with you baseball people what I’ve learned in my life, what I’ve learned about home plate in my 78 years.”
Several hands went up when Scolinos asked how many Little League coaches were in the room. “Do you know how wide home plate is in Little League?”
After a pause, someone offered, “Seventeen inches?”, more of a question than answer.
“That’s right,” he said. “How about in Babe Ruth’s day? Any Babe Ruth coaches in the house?” Another long pause. “Seventeen inches?” a guess from another reluctant coach.
“That’s right,” said Scolinos. “Now, how many high school coaches do we have in the room?” Hundreds of hands shot up, as the pattern began to appear. “How wide is home plate in high school baseball?”
“Seventeen inches,” they said, sounding more confident. “You’re right!” Scolinos barked. “And you college coaches, how wide is home plate in college?”
“Seventeen inches!” we said, in unison.
“Any Minor League coaches here? How wide is home plate in pro ball?”………..“Seventeen inches!”
“RIGHT! And in the Major Leagues, how wide home plate is in the Major Leagues?
“Seventeen inches!”
“SEV-EN-TEEN INCHES!” he confirmed, his voice bellowing off the walls. “And what do they do with a Big League pitcher who can’t throw the ball over seventeen inches?” Pause. “They send him to Pocatello !” he hollered, drawing raucous laughter “What they don’t do is this: they don’t say, ‘Ah, that’s okay, Jimmy. If you can’t hit a seventeen-inch target? We’ll make it eighteen inches or nineteen inches We’ll make it twenty inches so you have a better chance of hitting it. If you can’t hit that, let us know so we can make it wider still, say twenty-five inches.’”
Pause “Coaches… what do we do when your best player shows up late to practice? or when our team rules forbid facial hair and a guy shows up unshaven? What if he gets caught drinking? Do we hold him accountable? Or do we change the rules to fit him? Do we widen home plate? “
The chuckles gradually faded as four thousand coaches grew quiet, the fog lifting as the old coach’s message began to unfold. He turned the plate toward himself and, using a Sharpie, began to draw something. When he turned it toward the crowd, point up, a house was revealed, complete with a freshly drawn door and two windows. “This is the problem in our homes today. With our marriages, with the way we parent our kids. With our discipline.
We don’t teach accountability to our kids, and there is no consequence for failing to meet standards. We just widen the plate!”
Pause. Then, to the point at the top of the house he added a small American flag. “This is the problem in our schools today. The quality of our education is going downhill fast and teachers have been stripped of the tools they need to be successful, and to educate and discipline our young people. We are allowing others to widen home plate! Where is that getting us?”
Silence. He replaced the flag with a Cross. “And this is the problem in the Church, where powerful people in positions of authority have taken advantage of young children, only to have such an atrocity swept under the rug for years. Our church leaders are widening home plate for themselves! And we allow it.”
“And the same is true with our government. Our so-called representatives make rules for us that don’t apply to themselves. They take bribes from lobbyists and foreign countries. They no longer serve us. And we allow them to widen home plate! We see our country falling into a dark abyss while we just watch.”
I was amazed. At a baseball convention where I expected to learn something about curve balls and bunting and how to run better practices, I had learned something far more valuable.
From an old man with home plate strung around his neck, I had learned something about life, about myself, about my own weaknesses and about my responsibilities as a leader. I had to hold myself and others accountable to that which I knew to be right, lest our families, our faith, and our society continue down an undesirable path.
“If I’m lucky,” Coach Scolinos concluded, “you will remember one thing from this old coach today. It is this: “If we fail to hold ourselves to a higher standard, a standard of what we know to be right; if we fail to hold our spouses and our children to the same standards, if we are unwilling or unable to provide a consequence when they do not meet the standard; and if our schools & churches & our government fail to hold themselves accountable to those they serve, there is but one thing to look forward to …”
With that, he held home plate in front of his chest, turned it around, and revealed its dark black backside, “…We have dark days ahead!”
Note: Coach Scolinos died in 2009 at the age of 91, but not before touching the lives of hundreds of players and coaches,including mine. Meeting him at my first ABCA convention kept me returning year after year, looking for similar wisdom and inspiration from other coaches. He is the best clinic speaker the ABCA has ever known because he was so much more than a baseball coach. His message was clear: “Coaches, keep your players—no matter how good they are—your own children, your churches, your government, and most of all, keep yourself at seventeen inches.